Sitaaray (Bar, Restaurant)

Best for: Indian all-you-can-eat; pre/post-theatre curry.

Great: Indian dining with a twist; North Indian kebabs; value for money in the West End.

If you’ve never seen a Bollywood film, here’s the plot to just about all of them:

A handsome, clean-cut gent from Bombay seemingly has everything: health; wealth; a fabulous singing voice; an endless supply of shiny satin shirts. But he is without true love. Cue the entrance of our heroine: a stunning beauty with flowing black hair; big brown eyes and blindingly white teeth; she exchanges glances with our hero and, quick song-and-dance later, they are in love.

The course of true love never runs smoothly, however, and between our protagonists lies an obstacle: often a disapproving father with an intimidating moustache; sometimes (for no apparent reason) members of the criminal underworld, it doesn’t really matter. The point is that, about 20 minutes from the end, as our heroine weeps melodramatically into her pillow and our hero glares angrily into the mid-distance, it seems like their romance is doomed. Ultimately though, there is nothing that can’t be solved by a series of glitzy song-and-dance routines in a few choice locations (around a city centre fountain, between the trees on a river bank, on top of a train), and eventually, our lovers are united, their affections manifested in a joyous closing duet and (in the more daringly erotic films) a quick hug.

Yep, it’s pretty easy for western audiences to mock Bollywood films, even (make that ‘especially’) for people of Indian heritage like me. In truth, however, they are no less contrived, predictable and ludicrously escapist than the average Richard Curtis rom-com or Bruckheimer-style action film. We can scoff all we want, but in Britain we revel in this kind of formulaic distraction as much as anyone else.

It is even apparent in our dining habits. ‘Going for an Indian’, for example, should be an opportunity to treat our tastebuds to the rich and varied culinary culture of the subcontinent. Instead, it is often just part of the routine for a night on the beers. It scarcely matters which restaurant we go to. The menus are pretty much the same, and we usually know what we’re going to order before we even look at them: poppadoms to start, followed by any curry between korma and vindaloo depending on how hot we like it, sides of naans and rice, lager to drink, et cetera, et cetera. Ostensibly something exotic and exciting, it is in reality an experience we accord all the gastronomic appreciation that we would a McOffal burger from the local fast-food shit-in-a-box merchant.

It is therefore always a delight to visit an Indian restaurant, like Theatreland’s Sitaaray, that tries something different.

With a Bollywood theme, the suitably glaring Technicolor interior is laden, ceiling to floor, with movie posters, pictures of Bollywood stars and flat-screen TVs showing DVDs of genre classics.

As a dining experience, however, Sitaaray is a far less formulaic than the films it celebrates. Other than the broad selection of alcoholic and non-alcoholic cocktails listed, the menu is largely for reference only. For the starters at least, your choice is simply vegetarian or non-vegetarian. What follows is a thick, fast and extremely tasty procession of nine Northern Indian dishes from the grill. A mix of the familiar (samosas, dhal, tikka masala) and the original (fish tikkas in mint paste, crispy stuffed potatoes, grilled chicken in spicy beetroot marinade), the quality, and combined quantity of the dishes are impressive given the modest price. At the end of the procession, diners are given the option to re-order any of the dishes they particularly liked, although anyone who does so and still maintains plans for a main course and dessert either has a metabolism faster than a racehorse or weighs as much as one.

Unfortunately, following this spectacular opening sequence, the main courses represented a distinct dip in quality before the rasmalai and carrot halva desserts gave our Bollywood meal a suitably happy ending. Though decent, the mains were just anticlimactically bland, as if the chef had used up all creativity on the first course and was just going through the motions for the rest of the meal.

For this reason, Sitaaray isn’t going to compete with the likes of Chutney Mary for the position London’s best Indian restaurant any more than any Bollywood flick is going to rival the likes of Pather Panchali or Salaam Bombay for the title of greatest Indian film. However, like the industry it celebrates, Sitaaray still represents a joyous, flamboyant expression of Indian culture, and a welcome challenge to the tedious predictability of the average ‘Indian’. If nothing else, it is worth the visit for the starters alone.
...read more