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Hideaway (Bar, Club)

Picture of Hideaway in Streatham & Norbury, London

2 Empire Mews, Streatham & Norbury, London, SW16 2BF
Cuisine: [Other/Unclassified]
Tel: 0208 835 7070 | Email to Hideaway | Transport: | Write review

Hideaway Review

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Best for: Enjoying some very decent live music south of the river Thames.

Great: for partaking in London’s pop-up bar/restaurant/club craze.

We need to talk.

I’m not sure how to say this, but I’ve been feeling confused. I’m just not really sure if we’re coming or going.

You say one thing, but I get the feeling you mean something else, something entirely different.

You promised me a special night out last Thursday, but I feel a bit let down by how it panned out. I feel as though you might be a bit confused about your own identity. As though you aren't really sure who you are or what you are supposed to be.

Perhaps it wasn’t entirely your fault. Maybe the blame lies somewhat with me (oh god, did I almost use the phrase, “it’s not you, it’s me”?).

I know that you're aware of my love of all things off-the-beaten-track, of prohibition bars and speakeasies, of jazz music and fine dining, but all at the same time (talk about spreading yourself thinly), and in Streatham? Seriously?!

OK, perhaps the start of my evening tainted our night together somewhat: of course you didn’t know I had a meeting on The Strand, but it still took me 3 trains and a bus to get there.

And yes, I know I was late, but I did try to phone ahead to let you know. And to be chastised by the staff for my tardiness, jokingly or not, was a bit harsh (and was it just me, or did you find the man in the trilby a bit weird, especially when all the other staff were wearing polo shirts emblazoned with neon lettering, like they were working at an American fast-food joint? It all felt as though he, like me, didn’t belong there).

Anyway, I digress. The music was wonderful. The singer – I think her name was Shireen Francis, yes? – had a beautiful, soulful voice, and I really must stress that the thought you put into finding an unknown spot like that means so much to me. I guess I’m just too ‘settled’, too stuck in my ways, because I still feel that we have so many lovely little jazz joints right on our doorstep, next to our work places and homes in central and north London. Is Streatham the best place for you to reside?

Perhaps this is merely a display of my somewhat snobbish attitude towards anywhere south of the river. There, I said it. Or maybe I’m just ungrateful. This could have been a perfect local haunt for you and I if we both lived as far south as this, if things were different.

It’s funny; our time together on Thursday reminded me a lot of last summer, of the pop-up bars and restaurants that I used to frequent, like Meat Wagon. And that was housed within an industrial estate. So I can’t be that much of a snob.

But you, you are trying to be too many different things: pop-up bar/restaurant; jazz joint; secret speakeasy hidden away down an alley.

If you’re going to do something, do it properly. That’s how I was brought up. You seem confused. As though you are over-stretching yourself. The magic just wasn’t there, and it all felt a bit passé.

Does that sound awful? Please don’t hate me.

For example, the food, overall, was a let down, and you know how much I love my food. Yes, the starters were good, the pate rich and flavoursome, and the prawns juicy and tender, but the steak was underwhelming, to say the least; and who burns a chicken burger?! Duke's Brew & Que in Dalston. Or Palmer's in Bethnal Green. Now those were epic meals worth travelling for. Those places have it nailed.

Sorry, I’m using this letter as a bit of a venting process now, but I thought the point of the evening was for us to spend time in each other’s company; to chat, laugh, create romance. Not to be forced to sit in silence. It can’t have just been me who was shocked when the staff handed out signs instructing us not to talk during the performances?

I’m not really sure where we go from here. I’m sorry. I wanted this to work, I still do. I wanted to fall madly in love with you, but the spark just wasn’t there.

Maybe, another time, another place, we can try again?

Please forgive me, Hideaway, for I’m not entirely sure it’s your fault. I just feel the night didn’t do you justice. more

Customer Reviews for Hideaway

Average (based on 7 votes): 7 Atmosphere: Value: Quality:

The following customer reviews are not endorsed by Fluid London and are simply those of users who wish to publish their independent experiences of Hideaway.

“I've been to Hideaway five times this year, after finding it in a (un)lucky night with friends. I'm sorry to say the venue has been falling in quality since the first time I went there. Drinks will take ages to get to the table, despite the impressive numbers of staff walking around, it feel disorganized and lost, I tried asking for a drink several times only to learn that there was a specific waiter for my table, this specific waiter must have been lost somewhere and no one would even try to get our drinks! I feel though that I can't blame the staff as they were all really friendly but apparently were not told what to do or how to do it! It looks like they're dropped in the restaurant and thrown to the tables. The bands are great, I've seen Gipsy Fire throw a hell of a show here, one of their very best, but it's a real shame that a venue that could have it all is losing itself bit by bit, out of what can only be,clearly, bad management. It's a place where I will not return, nor will any of my friends. If you're looking for quality, simply go Ronnie's.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
Pumba, Spain (8 years 5 months 7 days ago)

“Amazing! This is like a cool jazz club out of a movie or something. The club is absolutely beautiful and the music was great! However the food lets the place down - my "gourmet burger" turned out to be the very cheapest burger you would get from a burger van and the chips were soggy - for £15! The wine was a bit iffy too. The atmosphere was so awesome though I will be going again.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
Richard, Streatham (9 years 2 months ago)

“i am local to the hideaway and went there wednesday night , can tell you the band playing was fantastic, the drinks are really good better then some places ive been to staff are well presented and really friendly. have been there before took my mom and dad for a meal food was spot on the mark and they really liked it and thats coming from the most fussy to impress.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
miss bennetts, streatham (9 years 8 months 15 days ago)

Show all user reviews for Hideaway

“Been a few times to give it a chance- each time hoping it would get better. Service is the worst I have ever experienced. Everything else is OK but last two times we waited over 40mins for a drink and never received the food we ordered. Never again - shame as the rest is OK. Avoid.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
Bassman65, London (10 years 8 months ago)

“fantastic jazz club. really friendly service. the food quality was great and beautifully presented. food and wine was very reasonably priced. highly recommended.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
tina, london (10 years 10 months 9 days ago)

“Do yourself a favour give this place a miss.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
wattersd, London (11 years 1 months 5 days ago)

“What a find! This ex-snooker hall seems a little incongruous down a dodgy back alley in Streatham but once inside you get the shock of your life. Wow! It's amazing. A group of us came down here on a Thursday night (the new Friday) to catch some comedy (the compere was hilarious) and we had a blast. Table service, great British food, great selection of booze, and loads of cheerful faces. I'm definitely going back on one of the Jazz, RnB or Latin Funk live music nights.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
Leigh, Tooting (11 years 2 months 28 days ago)

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