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The Albert (Bar)

Picture of The Albert in Kingston, London

57 Kingston Hill, Kingston, London, KT2 7PX
Cuisine: Pub
Tel: 020 8546 7669 | Email to The Albert | Transport: | Write review

The Albert Review

Best for: high quality pub grub in London’s deep south.

Great: modern chic bistro, even though it’s a pub.

The Albert pub in the KT2 sector of deep space London is a castle for conversation, a cathedral of chat, and no amount of alliteration can deter sentient beings from embracing the stasis at the point in time when work does not exist and the airlock to their inner profundities spills into mutual dialogue. Sometimes it’s just nice to lollygag.

Me, I have three options: I could play the role of the nebbish, reticent to share my limited knowledge and thoughts in a public space; or I could waggle my hubris and cocksure bravado dominantly in the field of natter.

My third option is more sanguine as it sits smack in the middle of options 1 and 2, and because I’m in the company of Jeanine. Jeanine’s proclivity towards chewing the fat (of conversation) makes her the ideal partner at this large Young’s pub because, as she talks, I chew the fat (of the crackling loin of pork before me).

But that comes later. Firstly, a panacea (pint of Youngs) and Topic Of Conversation #1: the pub’s large, round windows - like church windows minus the stained glass - that bring natural light to the modern rustic decor.

This is swiftly followed by comments about the warm, cosy fire, the elegant candelabra, and the assortment of varyingly sized and styled chairs.

We place our order with the fascinating and bubbly Morella from Transylvania, who, although having a capacity crowd to attend to, still has time to stop and chat, such is the compulsion toward conversation at this pub. This is most endearing and uncomfortably loud laughter has no place here.

Whilst I’m enjoying the process of foraging through my behemoth starter of jellied ham hock in a glass jar, attempting to balance homemade piccalilli onto a tough bit of bread, thus affording me a piquant farrago of miniature edibles, Jeanine makes light, simply work of her tiny baby squid rings and confers on Topic #2: travelling through the hostels of New Zealand, and the term describing such itinerants as ‘travel wankers’.

The fact that our choice of wine is a Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand does not pass without adequate attention paid to its humorous irony.

Topic Of Conversation #3 - The Pros & Cons Of Medical Trials - inspires us to share attitudes about science, and it’s at this point I realise I previously visited The Albert for a pub quiz sometime in the late 1700s. I come to this conclusion because I faintly recall finishing dead last, only to later discover we’d been beaten by some stiff opposition. See, The Albert pub sits directly opposite a large hospital. So it’s fair to assume that nearly all those present, providing the intellectual buzz humming around the pub, are wise doctors and canny nurses.

This would also help to offer clues on the pub’s casually dressed demographic. I am close to being the youngest in the room, only by virtue of the fact that I’m sitting opposite Jeanine. Jeanine - who looks much younger than her early 30s would suggest - is easily the youngest person in the pub. This is most definitely a parent’s pub. Somewhere nearby, 100 babysitters are raiding fridges.

The mains are enormous. These portions are not for the pusillanimous so if you’re pregnant or suffer from back ache, do not board this ride. My delicious pork with two towers of crackling, apple sauce and mustard mash practically frightens me into enjoying it. Jeanine plays safe with fish n chips served in mini fryer.

The Topics Of Conversation #4, #5, #6, and #7 are as follows: Jeanine’s grandfather’s reluctant enema; being buried or burnt once you’re already dead; strippers; and elephant tusks that kill people.

Morella plays an audacious move during our post-chat, post-main marathon by attempting to lure us into dessert. Does she seriously think that despite being visibly stuffed to the gills that we’d be....oh look, sticky toffee pudding!

A million calories cry out from an ocean of caramel, atop of which sits a house of sponge beside a spewing well of ice cream. This is dutifully delivered with the apogee of the eve, the Italian coffee with amaretto from the amazing selection of liqueur coffees.

My only criticism of The Albert experience would be the lack of invention on the menu. The most exotic inclusion is the goats cheese and artichoke salad. However, it is high quality pub fare. Plus, the pronounced alacrity of the staff and the maze-within-a-riddle-within-a-puzzle layout provide a conducive setting for congress.

Is that music? I feel like I’m hearing music. Or is that simply the music of good conversation?
...read more

Customer Reviews for The Albert

Average (based on 2 votes): 2 Atmosphere: Value: Quality:

The following customer reviews are not endorsed by Fluid London and are simply those of users who wish to publish their independent experiences of The Albert.

“Popped in here one week night with a couple of lovely ladies I know who live locally and ended up taking part in the quiz. I cant vouch for the food but the drinks range is fairly decent; a sign of a good Young’s pub these days. It has an intriguing split level affair which needs to be seen. The pub quiz was quite difficult, but I’d still go back for more.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
Christian Rose-Day, Tooting (8 years 1 months 12 days ago)

“A real traditional pub which is comfortable and serves excellent food. A Youngs house serving good beer and the place has character. friendly with a nice atmosphere and no music blasting out.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
james, london (12 years 7 months 17 days ago)

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The Albert Opening Hours

Monday: 11:30am - 11:00pm Friday: 11:30am - 12:00am
Tuesday: 11:30am - 11:00pm Saturday: 11:30am - 12:00am
Wednesday: 11:30am - 11:00pm Sunday: 11:30am - 11:00pm
Thursday: 11:30am - 11:00pm    

Additional Information

  • Cuisine Type: Pub
  • Dress Code: Not Specified
  • Group: Youngs

The Albert Food & Drinks

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Venue ID: 18762

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Loved

"Décoration pas terrible à part la terrace sur la Tamise. Repas cher et sorti de table en ayant encore fin. Il y a beaucoup mieux à Hammersmith comme pub." Which venue is this?

Hated

"Décoration pas terrible à part la terrace sur la Tamise. Repas cher et sorti de table en ayant encore fin. Il y a beaucoup mieux à Hammersmith comme pub." Which venue is this?

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