Benito's Hat (Restaurant)

Once Upon A Time In Benito’s Hat: OPENING SCENE

Sanj: I never heard of him.

Nini: Who?

Sanj: The one you recommended.

Nini: Benito? Wiped out a couple of towns single-handedly with his salsa del diablo. Real chilli. You probably heard of him, you just didn't know it was him they were talking about. You should meet him.

Waitress: Braised pork and braised chicken?

Sanj: Me, me, that's me.

Nini: And me! [starts eating]. Just as long as I'm not the guy who has to make the introduction, OK? Were you here in Kings Cross during the soup and salad veg affair?

Sanj: No.

Nini: That's when I first heard about the burrito. He was a legend. They used to say he was the biggest and best burrito they’d ever seen outside of Mexico. Total tortilla! Ten inches tops! It's no record, but bigger than most tortilla wraps. But Benito’s Hat. . . that's a different story. Benito’s Hat. . . Benito’s Hat. . . The great Benito and his Hat. Powerful. He wasn’t afraid of showing his customers his kitchen. Benito he. . . he really had a thing for the burrito, see. They called the burrito El Grande because you’d need two hands and an empty stomach to tackle that.

Sanj: El Grande?

Nini: Believe me, you’d really need two hands to grasp him, and enough teeth to chomp your way through. Now, these stories were well-travelled. They might have picked up some embellishments along the way, you know. Just read between the lines. It may not’ve been the biggest Mexican burrito. . .

Waitress [interrupting]: . . . but she was as deadly as she was beautiful.

Sanj: There's a ‘she’ involved?

Nini: Oh, yeah. There's a ‘she’. Buritta. El Grande’s sister. When all the pico del gallo was devoured out of El Grande, she'd take over. The most drop-dead buritta you'll ever see. That's where all the trouble began. She was with Benito under his Hat, and when Benito saw she was working with El Grande. . . well, he went crazy. He hunted him down, and fought El Grande to a fate of sour cream and grated cheese, and then. . . she whacked him with the guacamole. Only his hot sauciness didn’t die. I don't know what happened after that, but. . .

Sanj: Would you like some?

Nini: No. Maybe Benito and his Hat caught up with El Grande, or the Jarritos juice brothers; they say that Mango and Pineapple are the best. But like I said, the tortilla is no mouth-watering myth. A luscious legend. And if he's still wrapped up, he's the one you want.

Sanj: Well. . . that is truly unbelievable.

Nini: I'm not big on telling stories. Where's the bunuelos you owe me? Apart from the braised chicken, that's the reason I'm here.

Saj: I couldn't find a bowl big enough for these huge crispy strips of tortilla, sprinkled with cinnamon, scoops of vanilla ice cream on the side.

Nini: It'll do [starts eating].

Sanj: Just for my own edification, I offered you the tres leches cake, why'd you say no?

Nini: I'm not a greedy critic. Not looking to get fat quick. Besides, the benuelos are a lot for what you wanted me to find out, you know. May just as well muddle my head with a margarita as cough it up, right? But…the benuelos are…deliciously civilised. Benuelos are something we both can share.

Sanj: Benuelos might still be too much after such a satisfying burrito meal with two margaritas on the rocks.

Nini: You'd truly tequila me over a bowl of benuelos? You wouldn't dare.

Sanj: Yes I would.

Nini: I don’t blame you. This meal has been to deliciously die for!

Sanj: Glad you agree. Hasta la vista baby!

Nini: Psst…that’s from another film.

Sanj: Oh yeah…too many margaritas! Waitress, one more for the rail!...read more