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The Medieval Banquet (Restaurant)

Picture of The Medieval Banquet in City of London, London

Ivory House, St Katharine Docks, City of London, London, E1W 1BP
Cuisine: British Average Price: £50.00 Including drin
Tel: 020 7480 5353 | Email to The Medieval Banquet | Transport: Tower Hill | Write review

The Medieval Banquet Review

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The Medieval Banquet is featured in these Guides:

Best for: well behaved stag parties, kids parties, and office parties near the Tower of London.

Great: value for money when considering the entertainment, the food and the booze you consume.

We all like a singalong sing song, even though, on the whole, we’re all terrible singers. How else can you explain the popularity of karaoke, or The X Factor, or football fans’ vocal appreciation of the referee’s good work? There’s a time and a place and a certain amount of alcohol that, when combined, create a triangle of apposite circumstance into which we can step, momentarily, for the purposes of song-murdering.

However, attempting to sing along with Henry the Eighth as he belts out the 13th century Anglo-Norman ditty, Danse Royale, to a mostly silent crowd of generally well behaved citizens is possible not within the parameters of 101 Moments When Singing Out Loud Is Actively Encouraged. Instead, what you’ve done there, in your own fatuous, annoying way, is strayed into 101 Moments When Singing Proves You’re An Idiot.

See, The Medieval Banquet in St Katharine’s Dock - a bizarre yet highly entertaining mixture of off-season Renaissance faire showmanship, Butlins holiday park teenage disco, and a German bierkeller without the German - is primarily, as far as I can see, all about reconnecting with your inner child, not your inner nitwit.

It is an occasion at which you’re encouraged to don fancy dress from a selection provided; to bang on tables as a show of appreciation for the pageant; and to shout ‘WENCH!’ whenever you feel a thirst. There’s even an appropriate point in the evening when you can leave your meal in order to dance in circles with complete strangers. In short, it is everything every other restaurant in London is not. It is all about recapturing that feeling of being a kid.

And yet, even within the maelstrom of mellifluous singing, amazing contortionism, mind blowing tongue juggling, and brave sir-knight sword fighting, most people making the connection with their younger self still manage to maintain a modicum of decorum and decency, behaving as one would expect in a crowd which includes many actual children.

Then again, there are some sloppy, drunken simpletons who enjoy playing the fool in front of their mates. If this were a totally authentic Medieval experience, it would’ve been my honour to stand as the White Knight of Good in battle against the Fat Tw*t of PissHeaddom who (sadly) sat in the Palace of Kensington; the same subterranean dining alcove we sat in on the night. Perhaps a 'guard' is needed to deal with these nefarious, strident imps. Or maybe the policy should be more draconian: get them fettered in the stocks forthwith!

Approaching this all-inclusive event from the perspective of “going with the show” is the best course of action I can see. Don’t attempt to ruin the parade for everyone else. Eat your bread and apples; drink (no spoons) your hearty soup of questionable ingredients yet of highly satisfactory taste; knock back as much free mead (wine or ale by the flagon) as your body can manage, without veering into the Idiocy Zone, as mentioned above; and when King Henry and his queen (head on) command “Wassail”, reposte with a good natured “Drink Hail”. You’ll gain so much more from the overall experience if you stick to the script.

The food is filling and acceptable for the asking price, and the fact that it’s delivered in cauldrons between acts by speedy wenches only adds to the occasion. Which is what this is, after all. You wont really care how pungent the pate is, or how much gravy you should pour over the roast potatoes and chicken, or whether they’ve used spiced apple or spiced apricot for dessert; your only real concern will be whooping and hollering in an appropriate manner for Eldred, the knight who has been chosen to represent you.

This is not a romantic night out for two! Aside from kids’ parties and office parties for those with a little bit of imagination, the Medieval Banquet is highly suited for birthday parties for anyone with a keen interest in ancient history, or stag parties comprising of men who usually play World of Warcraft at the weekend but once, just once, fancy a night of unlimited booze and sexy wenches. And did I mention the contortionists?

The show ends when your belly is full and when the authentically Medieval lyrics “Op op op op oppan Gangnam Style” emanate from the dungeon. Now who doesn’t love a good singalong? Altogether now: “Eh, sexy lady.......”
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Customer Reviews for The Medieval Banquet

Average (based on 2 votes): 2 Atmosphere: Value: Quality:

The following customer reviews are not endorsed by Fluid London and are simply those of users who wish to publish their independent experiences of The Medieval Banquet.

“Considering the amount of food that is needed for this banquet the kitchen does a fairly decent job of it. It isn't haute cuisine but it's not meant to be. It's all about the sword fighting, the juggling, and the shouting for more ale. Lots of fun for group bookings.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
The Restaurant Hunter, London (5 years 9 months 17 days ago)

“It was a really nice night out with my friends. We went for my friends 20th birthday party and we all had a fab night out. It was busy and loud, something very different to a normal restaurant. =D”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
sarah johnston, stratford (8 years 1 months 13 days ago)

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Food

Regular Banquet Menu
-Vegetable soup made daily with market vegetables
-A platter of meat, pate and cheddar cheese with salad & pickled vegetables
-Roasted chicken in a traditional medieval sauce served with roast potatoes & roasted vegetables
-A rich fruit filled pie served with cream

Vegetarian Option Available

Updated 01/09/2014

Medieval Banquet Menu
Vegetarian Option available. Please request.
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Drinks

Unlimited ale and wine with your meal

Updated 10/10/2012

Bar Tariff
Unlimited House Wine and Ale included with The Meal
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The Medieval Banquet Opening Hours

Monday: Closed Friday: 7:15pm - 12:00am
Tuesday: Closed Saturday: 7:15pm - 12:00am
Wednesday: 7:15pm - 12:00am Sunday: 5:15pm - 9:30pm
Thursday: 7:15pm - 12:00am    

Additional Information

  • Cuisine Type: British
  • Average Price: £50.00 Including drin
  • Dress Code: Not Specified
  • Group: (Independent/Freehouse)

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Venue ID: 16751

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