Lamb Tavern (Bar, Restaurant)

Best for: Gastropub in Leadenhall Market for traditional English pub food.

Great: for lining the stomach before a night in the City.

The story of my dinner at the Lamb Tavern, in five quick similes:

1- Like a list of people who are still prospering despite the economic downturn, the Lamb Tavern bar is almost exclusively full of laughing bankers.

As with all pubs within the square mile, the Lamb Tavern finds itself submerged by a tsunami of City suits the moment the financial markets close each working day. Comprised almost entirely of suited white men aged 40 or below, this isn’t the most diverse of crowds. It does, however, create quite a buzz at the Lamb, as the bar area collapses under the sheer volume of footfall, and an overflow of bankers quaffing bonus-bought beverages runs several deep into the cobbled street outside.

2- Like the night I forgot to lock the bedroom door of the small Somerset B&B I was staying in, my dinner at the Lamb Tavern was spent solely in the company of my girlfriend until a couple of middle-aged American tourists unexpectedly walked in.

Having waded through such a heaving throng in the bar, it was a surprise to ascend the corkscrew iron staircase and find the upstairs dining area emptier than a banker’s conscience. Even I, a generally misanthropic grump who prefers his social venues to be as sparsely populated as possible, recognise that half the experience of dining out comes from the ambience created by the presence of fellow diners. My girlfriend and I were already tucking into our Eton mess desserts by the time anyone else – in this case a pair of justifiably confused American ladies – entered the restaurant. Fortunately, the waitress seated them round the corner and thoroughly out of sight and earshot, lest anything so rambunctious as an atmosphere break out.

3 - Like Cesc Fabregas in his last few games for Arsenal, the waiting staff seemed to be counting down the hours until they could leave, having been rendered utterly uninterested in proceedings by the chronic lack of atmosphere in their working environment.

I have sympathy for our waitress. In a restaurant with only two diners, it’s difficult to know how you should pass the 99% of your time not spent taking or delivering orders (which, to be fair, she did with utmost grace and politeness). Had she stood metres away throughout our meal, diligently watching and awaiting our every command, it would have felt uncomfortable. As it was, however, she strayed a little too far from attention’s reach, busying herself with some monumentally mundane tasks between bouts of looking suicidally bored and long periods of just disappearing from the restaurant completely. Calling for the bill or more water consequently proved more time-consuming that it should have.

4 - Like a holiday in Blackpool, the food was thoroughly English, but more expensive than you’d think and often too cold to properly enjoy.

My girlfriend’s lamb shank was a delight. Hot and succulent, the ease with which it came away from the bone presaged how sumptuous it would prove to the palate. However, despite the slightly higher than average prices, the rest of the fare was of decidedly mixed quality. The mustard mash and mint gravy that accompanied the lamb, for example, were disappointingly lukewarm, while my steak and kidney pudding was too heavy on the stodge, and possessed a dryness and inconsistent temperature that suggested it had been microwaved rather than properly steamed. These are not difficult dishes to make, and on such a quiet night, they should not have proved so difficult to get right.

5 - Like Paris Hilton’s head, the Lamb Tavern looks great but has so little going inside that you have to wonder what the point is.

Leadenhall Market may look a little caricaturish since its early-90s restoration – it’s not surprising that Hollywood likes to shoot its Laandan-based cockerny market scenes there – but it is still an impressive-looking venue in which to spend an evening. It’s therefore disappointing that, nestled within this charismatic facade, the Lamb Tavern proved such a dreary place to eat. Given the number of City folk frequenting the bar area, making this potentially-good restaurant into an actually-good restaurant could prove very lucrative for the Lamb’s management. Unfortunately, however, like a writer who shoehorns too many ludicrously laboured similes into a restaurant review, one can’t help feeling that they just aren’t making the effort.

...read more