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MORI (Restaurant)

Picture of MORI in Chelsea, London

99 King's Road, Chelsea, London, SW3 4PA
Cuisine: Japanese
Tel: 0207 3511033 | Email to MORI | Transport: Sloane Square | Write review

MORI Review

Best for: Chelsea Japanese fast food.

Great: cheesecake; BYOB policy; hang out on the King’s Road.

Health, money, glamour, smiles, Madagascan cheesecake, and Sade’s ‘Smooth Operator’. Aside from ‘an end to world poverty’ and ‘punching Nick Griffin in the face’, these are the six other cornerstones on the Octagon of Lifelong Equilibrium (patent pending, when I get round to it). Some are lucky enough to grab three, maybe four, of these angles of enlightenment in a lifetime; very few achieve them all. Imagine, therefore, enveloping the Octagon of Whatchamacallit, and all its defining dog-leg turns, simultaneously, thus completing the circle of truth. Pretty unlikely hey? Well, I found them all, together, on the King’s Road in Chelsea; so nuh!

In reality, not so nuh. More meh than nuh, really. And here’s why:

The potential for salubrity was very real at Mori, it can be said. Health was granted me by imbibing nothing more than aloe Pokka blueberry juice, containing real aloes, or blueberries, or Pokka, I’m not really sure. All I know is that it looked like a lava lamp, but tasted like cream soda. My abstinence was compulsory, though. Alcohol, for once, was not on the menu. Yet, then again, it was, in the form of saké, but only had I fancied take away instead. Presumably, the buy-to-go temptation is crowned by a quick skip up the road to the lush green patch of grass outside the Saatchi Gallery, where one can sit and slurp like a high class, worldly tramps. Failing that, BYOB is also an option at Mori.

The meal itself promised health-giving properties too; that is, up until the point where the Madagascan cheesecake arrived on the scene, giving it all that, with its thick, gooey yoghurty wickedness. Previous to that, the wholesome tenderstick broccoli proved a worthy candidate for the Green Party in the next general election, as long as the Yuzu sesame dressing stays on as its running partner. I’d certainly vote for it.

The pious feeling one would expect from the consuming an RSPCA-monitored menu was disappointingly ephemeral. The udon soup - proportionally, an epic deserving of its own 3-part mini series on BBC 1; actually, make that Channel 5 - allegedly contained large Freedom Food prawns. They were not large, by any stretch of the imagination, and their pallid demeanour bellied any notion of happy-happy-joy-joy welfare. The pour-on pot of saccharine teriyaki helped to sweeten the occasion, in much the same way that rain ‘sweetens’ the Glastonbury music festival.

As for the edamame, I’ve had better in hotel restaurants (namely, Chino Latino); and the tuna sashimi was much like a belt made from Phillip Schofield’s skin, in that, it looked enticing but was ultimately bland and a bit chewy.

Mori is a glamourous hangout, though. When compared with the pre-package quick food joints of this world that it must surely be likened too, this Japanese reinvention of Pret has added jazz-funk - chandeliers; black & white murals depicting scenes from Japan - and more room to breathe, so Chelsea youngsters can take time out from everything being pretty bloody great to read, write, listen to Sade, and occasionally stop their mouths from making them sound so pleased with themselves through the method of eating.

Overall, Mori also saved me money. Although the pernicious capabilities of that Madagascan cheesecake were a perplexing £3.54 (despite its diminutive size), the menu was wholly inexpensive. And there was a menu. And table service. And staff who smiled brightly, seemingly happy to serve. So it must be a restaurant. Yet it cant be a restaurant. There are no toilets and the food is simply retrieved from coolers near the entrance.

As a restaurant, it doesn’t quite achieve the utopian dream. As a harmless hangout serving reasonably healthy fare at an affordable price, it does better than Nick Griffin’s face. A quick stop off for feeling virtuous before the alcoholic detriment begins at the pub close by.
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Customer Reviews for MORI

Average (based on 1 votes): 1 Atmosphere: Value: Quality:

The following customer reviews are not endorsed by Fluid London and are simply those of users who wish to publish their independent experiences of MORI.

“One step up from Eat or Pret, one step down from Yo Sushi and alike. Is it a restaurant? Is it a fast food chain? Opt for salad box and a dessert if you get down there.”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
The Restaurant Hunter, London (6 years 9 months 13 days ago)

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Additional Information

  • Cuisine Type: Japanese
  • Group: MORI

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Venue ID: 22424

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Loved

"Hi guys, I come here with my friends and have very good time. I like your place very much and is very good times. I come back when I can soon. Thank you very much." Which venue is this?

Hated

"Dreadful pub, run by people who have zero idea about hospitality or running a pub. Upon arrival we sat in the back garden that only had one other table occupied , when we tried to order off the lunch menu..." Which venue is this?

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