Here at Fluid London we like to think we offer a public service to people with all manner of needs and desires. And who of us in London can deny we have needs that are of a carnal nature?! Londoners are at it all the time. That’s why London restaurants, nightclubs, pubs and bars are so popular. It’s not just the atmosphere, the music, the food, and the wine. It must have something to do with our erotic intentions. Many of us already have partners whom we date, dine, and dally with, and a few even share their amorous affections with several people. Regardless of the scale of our promiscuity, some romantic interactions often require a level of secrecy. Which is why Fluid London has created a guide to the Top 10 Best Bars and Restaurants to Conduct an Illicit Affair or Dangerous Liaison. Go on London, may luck be your lady tonight.
Image courtesy of Courtney Carmody
Alain Ducasse at The Dorchester
Mayfair / Restaurant / Hotel / Cuisine: French
The fact that this 3-Michelin Star French restaurant is in a Park Lane hotel (nudge, nudge) should mean that you wont bump into any familiar faces, but there's also another draw card here: the hidden Table Lumiere, possibly London's coolest private dining table, which is separated from the main restaurant by an oval curtain of flickering fiber optic strands. How very discreet!
Mayfair / Restaurant / Cuisine: Japanese
The conversion of this Japanese restaurant's wine cellar in Mayfair into an intimate glass booth allows guests the opportunity to dine hidden away from the rest of the restaurant without being disturbed. Your husband could be on a date in the other half of the restaurant and neither of you would ever know! The restaurant also has Europe's largest sake list: sexy!
The Jones Family Project
Shoreditch / Bar / Restaurant / Cuisine: Meat
Although this bar and restaurant is large and spacious and multi-faceted and situated on the bustling Great Eastern Street in Shoreditch, it does offer one unique opportunity to hide away from prying eyes. Head downstairs to the restaurant and make sure you book the table in the far right corner, the one with the red leather upholstery and conveniently placed pillars. Prime snuggling property this. You may even be able to steal a kiss every few minutes. There's also limited phone reception down here so you can't be interrupted, The menu's meat selection should get the blood flowing too. And just to note, the Hoxton Hotel is just across the road (wink, wink).
The Mayor of Scaredy Cat Town
City of London / Bar /
If you don't want to be caught cheating in London, do it in a fridge. No, really, the Mayor of Scaredy Town is an underground bar (literally) hidden through a fridge door underneath the Breakfast Club restaurant. You need to call and get on their entry list first, so shaking off spies and pursuers is as easy as denying you vanished through a fridge without appearing again (there's a secret exit n' all). The speakeasy bar is something to behold with its air of exclusivity and excitement, and the tasty cocktails sure fire things up in secrecy.You won't be catching pneumonia, but you'll most definitely be getting something tonight.
West End / Bar / Cuisine: Bar
Step away from the hustle and bustle of Covent Garden and enter one of central London's best-kept secrets. Hidden behind a secret door (in a West End hotel - note for later) lies Blind Spot cocktail on St Martins Lane, a speakeasy serving alchemic cocktail concoctions. Cosy up in one of the corners with a date or bring your friends and dance the night away with live music and DJs; a great London hideaway. Everyone wants to be a part of what happens in Blind Spot, but nobody can share their secrets.
City of London / Bar / Restaurant / Cuisine: Bar
High above the busy banking streets of Liverpool Street and Bank lies what must surely be one of the highest bars in the whole of London. The views across London from up here are breathtaking; truly romantic. So grab your significant naughty other (somewhere highly inappropriate), sip a glass or two of Champagne, and giggle about how clever you both are for hiding away from the world in such a grand manner.
Gordon's Wine Bar
West End / Bar /
Forbidden love should hide its pouting lips and heavy heartbeat down beneath the streets of London where its safe to canoodle and cuddle and consume small glass of elixir wine, away from the rowdy crowds. On a recent visit to this well known wine bar we counted several couples openly snogging at the cosy tables. Could we tell who they were? Not a chance. The candlelit caves are so dim there's barely enough light to see across the table. Which makes it ideal for naughty boys and girls who love a good wine bar. Arrive early, snaffle a table in one of the furthest, darkest corners and your secret will forever be kept. A platter of cheese is also a great way to show your love.
Heliot Steak House
West End / Restaurant / Cuisine: Steak House
You're a high roller, a chancer, a risk taker. That's why you've decided to meet up with the sexy someone who you probably shouldn't be meeting up with. But be wise, steer clear of prying eyes. Heliot steakhouse restaurant situated high above the casino floor at The Hippodrome in Leicester Square is the perfect quiet retreat from the crowds outside, especially if you're coming for brunch. The service is impeccable, the lighting is always dimmed and the decadence level on the steak and champagne brunch menu is cranked right up to 11. Go on, be naughty.
Dalston / Bar / Cuisine: Bar
Here's what you and your secret love bunny do when you fancy some alone time in Shoreditch: head for TT Liquor "shop" 10 minutes apart, as though you're going to buy a bottle to take home with you. Once inside, skip past the tills and down the rickety old stairs to the cellar. Here you'll find a hidden cocktail bar that was once a police station, replete with jail cells, which have been conveniently turned into little cosy alcoves that have bags of privacy.
The Southwark Tavern
London Bridge & Bermondsey / Bar / Cuisine: Pub
We've all been to Borough Market on a Saturday morning, right? Absolutely Bedlam! Yet still very enjoyable. Take a risk and meet your love interest incognito in the crowds on market day; take in the sights, sounds, and smells before diving into this lovely old pub near London Bridge. Fantastic beer selection, a memorable musical playlist, and a basement section that is IDEAL for illicit affairs. We recommend Cell 5 in particular. You'll understand why when you get there.
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